That Time Two Monkeys Groped Me in Costa Rica...

You read that right.

One day in Costa Rica, on the southeast cost in a town called Punta Cocles, I was groped by two small monkeys.

Long story short: two small Capuchin monkeys climbed into my top and cuddled up to my chest, and decided to relax there a little while.

Unfortunately, at this animal reserve, we were not allowed to bring any cameras because apparently monkeys can see your interest in a phone or camera, and are likely to steal it as a result. And, fighting with a monkey of any size is generally a terrible idea, so we had to submit to this rule. So, you'll have to take my word on it, two little monkeys enjoyed some personal time under my shirt. Because of this, you'll have to deal with a lot of text and few photos.

We learned upon arrival that personal time with the monkeys in the reserve is not common. Actually, if you went on a similar tour, you certainly would not be offered this chance. It requires some extra money and an appointment. I'm not entirely sure the process was legitimate.

We didn't have an appointment. Fun fact about me, I love monkeys. No, really, I LOVE them. I am fascinated by primates, having studied biological anthropology, and just generally being a fan of cute animals. The lack of appointment resulted in a volunteer telling me she could happily show me the monkeys in private if I wanted to wait a month. A MONTH? A MONTH?

No, no. no, no. You don't understand, I love primates, I said, on the verge of tears. It is my dream to touch one in person in Costa Rica... Not joking about this, guys. My sister told me I looked like I'd cry any second, and she was 100% right. I told myself, You're still in Costa Rica, it's totally fine if the only thing you wanted to do here won't happen, it's fine if you can't touch a small primate and marvel at their complexity... I am a nerd.

The poor volunteer, likely creeped out by my obsessive request, finally told me she'd work something out, bless her soul. I either seemed like a psycho, or appealed to her love of animals as well. I assume it was a mix of both.

As soon as I sat down in the enclosure, a spider monkey crawled into my lap and closed her eyes. She lost interest quickly, and ran off to climb something, but I was already content.

"You may think she is a male." That saint of a volunteer said. "But actually, spider monkeys have incredibly large clitorises." Putting aside any sense of maturity, this was hilarious. I had in fact, thought the spider monkey was a male, given the large dangly part hanging from her behind.

Almost immediately afterwards, two capuchin monkeys ran up to me and immediately into my shirt. I made the predictable joke that they should at least buy me dinner first, I'm not that kinda gal. Jokes aside, it was a very special moment that felt intrinsically maternal to me. I was so elated that these little animals felt safe enough to nuzzle themselves close to me, and to a part of me that is in fact, existent specifically for maternal reasons.

Shortly after, they used my head as a jumping off point for games, but it's all fine with me.

We were told before entering not to show fear. I know that monkeys of any size can be dangerous, but being told this didn't ease my feelings. Even if they attack you, you need to remain calm. We will stop them in case of attack, but you need to remain still even if you are in pain, the volunteers said. Keep in mind, I've studied primates and I love them, but this still sent a shiver through me. I cannot imagine being told that if I had only thought of them as cute and cuddly. These particular monkeys aren't even a foot tall, after all, but have the power to do damage. I kept this in mind.

This knowledge did help though. There were times I was afraid, as the monkeys run up to you suddenly. They mean well and are playing, but will pull your hair and run all over you.

A funny moment occurred with my sister's fiancé, Eric. Here's something to know about Eric: he's six and a half feet tall, an ex-college football player, and a pretty cool guy. The monkeys noticed this.

Have you ever seen monkeys searching each other for bugs? Did you know its a part of their social structure?

Here comes some anthropology... the monkeys didn't search me or my sister for bugs. They ran right to Eric, peeling through his dreads and leg and arm hair. They knew this big guy was the alpha, so they needed to butter him up, given he's about 100 times their size. Sure, the monkeys were fascinated with my sister and I's ponytails, but they showed real commitment to searching Eric the alpha male. It was fascinating.

All in all, I learned tons about primates watching them in action. But mostly, I just thought about how cute they were.

#costarica #centralamerica #animals #funny